A New Version of the Emperor’s New Clothes.

 

 

Once upon a time, there was an emperor who loved clothes, and collected garments for every possible occasion.  Some peasants thought he was vain, and one village messenger claimed he could humble him.  During his travels, the messenger sought out two friends who knew how to cheat and prank anyone.  Anyone could be proven a fool by this duo, and the messenger thought the emperor would be easy to trick.  The emperor never focused on anything but clothes and himself, so he was pretty dumb not to notice anything or anyone else besides himself.

The two swindlers arrived at the palace, and the messenger presented them as merchants selling a rare item.  The emperor took an audience with them.  The cheating merchants opened an empty chest, saying it was filled with magical silk that was invisible to people who were not fit for their job.  They said, “Only a worthy, wise soul can see the beautiful silk.”  The emperor smiled, and agreed to have them make some clothes for him, which he would pay for later.

The dishonest duo went to work, pretending to weave the invisible nothing into nonexistent clothes.    They were laughing, happy that their sham was working.  One told the other to keep quiet, since someone might overhear them, then their plans would be foiled, and they would be put to death.  It turned out that no one was eavesdropping.

The next day, they handed in the airy clothes to the emperor, who happily pretended to take the clothes.  He said he would wear them the next day and pay them. 

The next day came, and everyone anxiously awaited to see the emperor’s new clothes.  The swindlers were waiting on the messenger to hand them their chest of coins.  He was running a bit late, and they didn’t want to get caught and executed.  The swindlers thought that they were doomed, but they would at least live to see the ruler’s humiliation.  Just then, the emperor rode through the kingdom wearing his finest robe, vest, silk shirt, braided leather pants, and crown.  Everyone was in good spirits except for the cheats and the messenger.  They wondered what happened.

The emperor dismounted his horse and strode over to the fake merchants and said, “Thank you for the pajamas!  I wore them last night.  They felt like barely nothing, so comfortable!  Your pay is in the chest.”  The messenger finally came, and handed over the chest.  Ha! They thought, at least we got paid!  Once beyond the kingdom walls, the dishonest duo opened the heavy, wooden chest, and it was empty except for a note that read, “Only a worthy, wise soul can see the money.”

 

You know you’re a criminal justice major when ...

 

While law students comb through tomes, criminal justice majors study crime, which focuses on the frontlines of the justice system.  As a major, it still impacts me well after graduation.  I used to look forward to tackling assignments and reports.  Even after I donned my cap and gown, I felt there was still more to research.  My thirst for knowledge is never satiated in this subject, since I feel the call to comprehend criminal behavior under every charge type.  There will always be a need to fight crime, so I know there is always employment for it.

Just for fun, I created this list awhile back about the various traits that make criminal justice majors stand out. 

You know you’re a criminal justice major when:

-You realize that you rather go to a trial than a rock concert.

-You would rather conduct a research project at a prison than go to Six Flags Great Adventure.

-You have a favorite lawyer.

-You have a least favorite lawyer.

-You have favorite/least favorite criminals under different charge types.

-You look at the FBI’s Most Wanted List for fun.

-You get books about murder under the Christmas tree.

-You know more about serial killers than you know about Desperate Housewives.

-You shun CSI shows because they are so phony.

-You laugh at the spy/crime movies when the CIA acts like the FBI, the FBI acts like the police, and the police act like they’re spies or something else outside their job description.

-You stay up past 2am researching legal documents regarding necrophilia cases.

-You daydream about cracking down on human trafficking rings.

-You workout to prepare for your next PT.

-You’ve been fingerprinted in 5+ places, because of jobs and volunteer work, not because you’re a criminal.

-You’ve waited in a holding cell to get fingerprinted, for a job.

-You’ve waited for a job interview in a prison lobby with Christmas music playing in the background.

-You’ve had a job interview where everyone interviewing you had a gun.

-You consider yourself lucky if you get one of those jobs.

-At work, you know all the names of the judges.

-At work, you’ve encountered weird charges including public urination, illegal lobster possession, and deadly missile projectile in traffic.

-Your resume includes heroin investigations.

-You would love to travel the world....... and visit prisons, and do research.

-You would rather interview incarcerated cannibals than have sex with (insert random hot celebrity).

-You hear a creepy pattern of song lyrics in popular music referring to love interests as “my little girl,” “come ‘ere child.” ....and you find it disturbing.

-You see a police car, and think man, I wish I had a car like that!

-You are a cop, and you say hi to that car.

-You know cops and/or federal agents.

-You want to pull over all the bad drivers on the road.

-You make people jump when you approach them.

-You’ve taken exams you can not brag about.

-You’ve eaten breakfast with the FBI.

-You’ve seen the inside of a courtroom, but you’re not involved in a dispute.

-You’ve seen the inside of a police station, and you’re not under arrest.

-You’ve seen a county jail barbershop.

-You know the existence of “mandatory yoga classes.”

-Police dogs don’t bark at you.