The Tilting Roles of Sexism Over Time

            Since 2000, I have noticed that men are expected to limit themselves from a number of activities for fear of looking “gay” or being called a “pussy.”  Singing, dancing, theater, Dance Dance Revolution, or not liking sports enough pins a guy as being less masculine.  I had a friend whose abusive legal guardian thought Sci-Fi was unmanly.  I had an ex-boyfriend who was afraid to play DDR, because it looked “gay.”  In decades past, depending on where you lived, dressing punk or goth was considered feminine for a guy, or “faggy.”  Writing poetry, doing yoga, eating chocolate?  Oh no, that’s gay.  Dressing nice or liking Broadway?  Being a nerd or dressing up for an anime convention or Renaissance faire?  O no, we can’t have that.  If a guy is a virgin?  Must be gay! –Or he’s not a “real man” yet.  He doesn’t spend every minute of his day talking about sex and boobs?  Gay.  He’s not an ESPN couch potato?  What a strange, queer fellow!  Selecting the wrong alcoholic beverage would put his sexual orientation in question.  I don’t agree with any of this fear mongering rubbish!  Homophobia inhibits straight men from expressing themselves too.

Men used to be the ones who could do anything, and women had to fight for the right to do anything.  Not too long ago, men got jobs, and women were expected to just get married and have children.  Men were allowed to write books, invent things, get higher degrees, become firefighters, etc.  Women were expected to stay home and shut up.  That was prior to 1970.  In Shakespearean times, only men were allowed to be actors.  For centuries, women were expected not to sing in church.  Only men could sing.*  Now, singing and acting are considered emasculating and stereotyped as “gay.”

            In the 1980s and 90s, a girl was considered a tomboy if she played sports or rode a skateboard.  Gender roles in our childhoods were split clearly with a thick line of pink and purple tape.  There were girly cartoons like Rainbow Brite and My Little Pony, and cartoons marketed to boys like GI Joe and Transformers.  Girls had Barbie, and boys had Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figures.  (I wanted a TMNT toy.)  Girls could paint their nails, and boys could play rough at sports.  Somewhere in my teens, someone wrote about the differences between engendered video games.  I remember reading, “Boys’ video games are about saving the world, while girls’ games are about buying a pair of shoes.”

            It’s the 21st century, and women have come a long way.  It is not unusual for a woman to become a doctor or lawyer.  There may not be as many women in congress or female CEOs, but it’s no longer alarming.  Women still have a ways to go.  Though, look at men.  Men live in fear of being gay or seeming effeminate.  It used to be that men could do anything, and women had fewer options.  Now women can take up any hobby or job without the threat of social rejection or even doubt, while men have to look both ways before doing anything petty but questionable to their testosterone levels.  This is sad, because men aren’t allowed to like as many things as women.  It’s considered womanly to like all this great stuff, whether it’s trampoline aerobics or anything hygienic.  Heck, for awhile health food was considered a woman’s obsession.  I remember Dan Marino saying in a Nutrisystem commercial, “I can eat like a man.”  Taking care of yourself should not be a gender role. 

            Men shouldn’t have to watch their backs when they engage in their guilty (but not wrong or illegal) pleasures as if they were women watching their backs for a stalker at night.

Originally a Facebook Note posted:  June 7, 2015
Updated: May 22, 2020; June 17, 2020

*Wijngaards Institute for Catholic Research (2014).  Women and girls were not allowed to be singers in church.  [Website].  Retrieved from:  http://www.womenpriests.org/traditio/singers.asp

Note:  Another interesting yet sad fact from Wijngaards’s timeline is that people were so desperate not to have female choir members that they castrated boys to maintain their falsetto vocals.  If they accepted girls, the boys could have been spared.