Ghosts and Boomerangs: My Guide on Dealing with Emotionally Unavailable Types

 

This is my second entry for Stalking Awareness month, and this topic involves emotionally unavailable people who make you feel like a stalker.  It also shows how to prevent yourself from crossing the line into the stalker category.  I wrote an entry in my crime blog about Ghosts and Boomerangs as a guide to deal with these types of people.  See the link below.

Most people are familiar with ghosting.  Once someone stops talking to you, you may attempt contact to figure out what happened to cause the ghosting.  Maybe there was a misunderstanding that could be clarified?  You may wonder, did I say something rude, or did I do something to hurt this person?  Since the person does not want to talk to you, they will not be willing to give you the answer.  The more you try to communicate, the worse it will be for both of you, and you'll look like a stalker despite your benign intentions.  The best course of action is to examine your own behaviors, and stick with a guess as to why they ghosted.  Stick with that guess, and your curiosity will be satisfied.

Boomerangs are people who go back and forth from being your friend to acting like a stranger who's never heard of you.  This person is nice to you for a day or two and then gives you the cold shoulder, but later returns to being your pal for a day.  The obnoxious cycle continues.  During the Boomerang's flight away from you, it seems like you need a VIP pass just to say hello.  You are just a convenience to them.  Boomerangs use people for temporary entertainment, like renting a DVD from Blockbuster.  However, Blockbuster is bust, and human beings are not for rent!

In recent years, I encountered a Boomerang in the workplace.  I had lunch with a lady a few times, and I thought I made a new friend.  Then the next time I had lunch with her, she completely ignored me.  I attempted to strike up a conversation, and she just stared at her phone.  I repeatedly tried to talk with her, and she acted like I wasn't there.  I understand people get glued to their cellphones these days, but you could still look up and interact and go back to Facebook.  She completely blocked me out, and I awkwardly ate my lunch.  Once someone acts like this, I want nothing to do with them.  I figured out when she went to lunch, and took a different time every day.  A few weeks later, I miscalculated her lunch time, and she sat at my table, expecting me to be a buddy all over again.  At this point, I realized she's a Boomerang, not a Ghost.  I just stared at my phone and devoured my veggie burger.  I left for my usual walk, then back to work.  She later complained to other coworkers that I wouldn't talk to her.  I ignored her sad, puppy eyes looking at me.  Ugh, how manipulative.  We're not in middle school; that doesn't work anymore!  I just kept subtly avoiding her in the break room, and now I don't even have to deal with her anymore.  This scenario ended with no drama and no stalking accusations - my intended outcome.

Here is my guide for how to deal with these frustrating people:  Ghosts and Boomerangs - Caroline's Chronicles of Crime