Adding to the Idea for the Scariest Haunted House

 

            Last year, I realized something was missing from my haunted house.  What is an OSHA violating haunted house without a snake pit!  I just felt I needed to edit this post so it would be complete.  For those who haven’t seen this idea and like a scare, you’re in for a treat – or a trick if you dare.  Go ahead, read on.

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            I had this idea for a haunted house that I know will never happen, due to anticipated OSHA violations.  Given that, no one will steal this idea either.  It’s just interesting to imagine, because it features eclectic fears that aren’t normally considered when conceptualizing a haunted house.  Normally, there are people jumping out of corners and screaming semi-randomly, which is more annoying than scary.

Anyway, onto the non-existent Halloween attraction that will never be built!

Patrons would need to sign waivers and get an EKG test prior to entering.

The adventure starts with patrons being led into an elevator.  It claims it's taking you down to the eighth basement.  It descends one level, but it shutters and gets stuck with the lights out.  The fire alarm goes off.  Red lights flicker.  None of the emergency buttons work.**  The phone box is empty.  Fog starts filling the elevator compartment, and it smells smoky.

After a minute, the doors fling open.  The patrons walk down a hallway with glass walls.  On the outside of these windowed walls are hundreds of tarantulas.  There are separate glass enclosures for the scorpions.  A voice over the loudspeaker says that the windows need to be fixed due to breakage points in the glass.  At the end is an abrupt chamber for a couple coconut crabs.  (At this point, PETA would come after me too, but they have animal skeletons in their closets anyway, those baby seal clubbing hypocrites!  I would feed all the insects and those coconut crabs!  Plus they would get enough exercise!)

The patrons would turn a corner into the next hallway.  One side has a floor-to-ceiling mirror.  People might think it’s tame since there is nothing else in the hallway, until they reach the end.  They would turn the corner, and find out that it was a two-way mirror on the other side.  There are creepy people on the other side, watching.  Instead of horror movie monsters, they are just dressed as unkempt, trashy people sitting in chairs, staring at the unaware patrons through the mirror.  The creepy employees don’t say anything or move.

As you snake around to the next corridor, the walls become farther apart.  This hall has a glass floor with a complete view of a large room below, 14 feet deep.  That room is full of pythons that are free to roam, within the piles of the other snakes, scale the walls of the pit, or reach the ceiling under your feet.  The glass is clear enough to feel thin.  Hopefully you don’t trip.

[End of Edit – Plus I would insure the serpents were well fed.]

Then the final hallway is a winding, dark crawl space with absolutely no light.  Inside the void/crawl space, there are unnerving sound effects.  Disturbing sounds include distant screams, and closer growls of animals prowling the crawl space.  There are whispers over a loud quietspeaker that there is no end to this maze, that it eventually narrows into an ultimate dead end, and you’ll be buried alive and/or eaten by the tarantulas.  (I can already imagine the lawsuits!  This is supposed to be a non-existent, never-will-happen haunted house.  So chill!)

In the end, patrons will make it out of the crawl space alive, which leads to a gift shop.  Honestly, who doesn’t like gift shops?  All patrons would receive free sunglasses to cope with the light, which would be relatively dimmed.  If anyone was too disturbed, they would get refunded and a free gift from the shop.  If someone was unimpressed and completely unafraid, they would be free to give constructive criticism on how to make this theoretical place more threatening, plus get a free gift!

Disclaimer:  No, I would never subject anyone to these horrific situations.  The point was to conceptualize the scariest possible haunted house.

**At my first apartment, the elevator malfunctioned, and the alarm button was not working.  There was no call box.  I was alone in a small, old Westinghouse elevator, trapped.  Emergency services were going to take forever, so I banged on the elevator door, and the doors opened!  Luckily, it was stuck at an opening, and not between the levels.  I got out!